Sex education for children with intellectual disabilities - tips for parents

All people, with or without disabilities, need ongoing, age appropriate sexuality education to develop positive attitudes to their sexuality and avoid negative outcomes. All humans, regardless of abilities or disabilities, are sexual beings and have the right to explore and express their sexuality in appropriate ways.

Without adequate sex education, people with intellectual disabilities may be at increased risk of experiencing sexual abuse, sexually transmitted infections or unplanned pregnancy. Many parents don't provide sex education because they mistakenly believe their children 'won't need it'. Other parents have tried, but struggled to present the information in a way that their child could understand.

Aspects of sex education
Ideally, sex education should include information about:

Building the social skills necessary for relationships of all kinds
How to maintain relationships
Coping with relationship difficulties or rejection
Sex and relationships, including marriage
The changes of puberty
The physical mechanics of sex, including reproduction
Appropriate and inappropriate expressions of sexuality
Sexually transmitted infections
Safer sex
Contraception
Masturbation
Homosexuality.

Information needs to be tailored to the child
There isn't a 'standard' model of sex education that suits all children with intellectual disabilities. Information needs to be tailored to the child's level of understanding. For example, children with severe intellectual disabilities may need basic information such as how to tell the difference between males and females, what kind of touch is appropriate or inappropriate, and how to behave socially.

Prepare yourself first
Suggestions for parents include:

Make sure you know what you're talking about. If you are unclear about any details, check first.
Have a look at a variety of books and materials on sexuality and disability. You can browse on the Internet or visit the library and bookstore at Family Planning Victoria.
Ask your child's teachers or carers about what sort of sex education their school is providing. They may be able to give you advice or show you resources.
Talk to your disability association, Family Planning Victoria Disability Unit and other parents in relevant support groups for suggestions and tips on how to best express the information to your child.
Work through your own feelings of unease and embarrassment, perhaps with the help of a counsellor. Otherwise, you may transmit these feelings to your child.
Decide beforehand which words you're going to use. This can be tricky, since names for body parts (such as vagina and penis) tend to be either medical or slang. Avoid vague euphemisms such as 'front bottom', as you may cause confusion or give your child the impression that talking about genitals is shameful or embarrassing.

Different ways to talk about sex
You should look out for times when your child expresses interest or curiosity in sex - for example, if they see actors kissing in a movie on television and start asking questions. Suggestions on ways to talk about sex include:

As with any child, sex education should be spread over time. Give the simpler facts first, then continue to add to your child's knowledge as they grow older.
Try to express information as simply as you can.
Try to keep discussions light and fun.
Anatomically correct dolls can help teach a child about differences between the genders.
Children with intellectual disabilities often have trouble thinking in abstract ways. It may be helpful to gather a range of resources, such as books with clear and simple pictures, videos, dolls and three-dimensional models of body parts.
Read age and development appropriate stories about sex and sexual issues together. Your disability association or Family Planning Victoria Disability Unit should have books to loan or purchase.
Role play may come in handy when discussing aspects about relationship skills or assertiveness. For example, help your child to practise saying 'no' to unwanted advances in various settings.
Role play may also help your child to understand the difference between private and public settings if they are having trouble.
Use demonstrations whenever possible. For example, you could use dolls to show where babies come from.
Masturbation should be discussed as a healthy and natural way to explore and express sexuality.

Negotiating stumbling blocks
Some aspects of your child's sex education may be more difficult than others. Suggestions for dealing with stumbling blocks include:

Use praise and positive reinforcement when your child shows understanding of a particular topic, or displays the desired behaviour.
If you don't know the answer to your child's question, admit it. Suggest that you find out the information together, perhaps using the Internet as a resource.
There is no single 'right' way. Educating your child about sex will be a process that includes success and failure. Don't be discouraged or upset if one particular method doesn't work - put it behind you and try something else.
Remember that what works for other parents may not work for you, and vice versa. Keep experimenting.
If your child is having trouble grasping a concept, try breaking it down into smaller steps.
Seek advice from your disability association, Family Planning Victoria Disability Unit or relevant support groups if you are stuck for ideas.

Following up
Suggestions include:

Realise that your child needs constant reminding and reinforcement. You may have to cover the same topic many times before they fully understand.
Ask your child questions to make sure they have understood the information.
Playing with puppets can allow your child to express their understanding and emotions about sex without feeling pressured.
A child may find it easier to put themselves in the shoes of someone of the opposite sex when using a doll or a puppet. This is useful for education on relationship skills.
Keep your child's carers informed and make sure that sex education provided by other sources is along similar lines to yours.

Where to get help

Family Planning Victoria Disability Unit Tel. (03) 9257 0100
Yooralla Community Learning and Living Centre Tel. (03) 9607 3511
Scope Victoria Tel. (03) 9536 4246
Disability Intake and Response Service Tel. 1800 783 783

Things to remember

Sex education needs to be tailored to the child's level of understanding.
Resources such as books, stories, videos, anatomically correct dolls and three-dimensional models can help your child to grasp abstract ideas.
Playing with puppets can allow your child to express their understanding and emotions about sex without feeling pressured.
Related articles:

Disability and sexual issues.
Intellectual disability - facts and figures.
Sex education for children with intellectual disabilities.

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Article publication date: 28/01/2003
Last reviewed: 31/03/2004

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